50/50 is the wrong math for love

Math was my least favorite subject throughout my entire academic experience. I still shudder at the memory of being made to sit at the kitchen tableinto the wee hours of the night with tears streaming down my cheeks until I finished every single problem on my worksheet.


Though I still second guess myself and check a calculator from time to time, I’ve managed to repair my relationship with arithmetic. Alas, there is one equation that will always elude me:

How many times have we participated in a discussion on relationships and witnessed several self proclaimed experts perk up and declare the following:

“A relationship should be fifty-fifty!”

Yeah…if you want the relationship to fail! I mean, it’s (not so) common sense that partners should put in equal effort, but at a certain point in my growth and understanding, I realized just how little sense that particular assessment makes pertaining to the potential for a relationship to be healthy and lasting. Some people will stick by that logic until they’re blue in the face, but just like our teachers did back then, I’m going to have to ask them to show their work on this one.

50% + 50% = 100%

If both Partner A and Partner B are putting in 50% effort, that means both partners are putting HALF of themselves into their union…It’s been a while since I was in school, but from what I can remember, 50% is an F! A FAILING GRADE! – Which is exactly why this logic speaks to a formula for a relationship that is destined to fail. If we truly hope to move progressively in our wisdom and understanding of love and relationships, then we must unlearn that way of problem solving and open ourselves to the fact that we must BE love with 100% effort! BEING in love means there is no “fifty-fifty”, because it does indeed take 100% of each individual to make love viable… In being love, we give 100% of ourselves and allow the Universe to take care of the rest – the areas where we may still need work. Some may think I’m asking too much, but consider this:

If Partner A is giving 50% and Partner B is giving 50%, if one partner is going through a difficult time – only giving half their already halved effort, operating at 25% – that leaves the relationship at 75%. That’s a C, and we don’t tolerate mediocrity in this here house!

But if Partner A is giving 100% and Partner B is going through a rough patch, only giving 75%, then the relationship is still at 100% because of the ability of Partner A to make up the 25% difference. That’s what we are here to do, is it not? We’re here to support one another through the rough AND the smooth parts, through thick and thin, through sunshine and rain, and all that other awesomely mushy stuff.

Even in the case of Partner A operating below the goal, the second couple in which each partner sets the intention to go 100% has a greater chance of recouping and continuing on because they both strive to continue to give their all. By no means am I implying that having a happy, healthy, and progressive relationship is as simple as working through a few math problems, rather, embracing the concept of being love can make things less comparable to rocket science.

I hope I haven’t made anyone’s head hurt as bad as mine does right now. All that math has me positively BURNT! But it is truly a labor of love, because it’s a serious error to think that giving half our effort in our relationships is a recipe for success.

~Dava Greely

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data, ability to repeat discredited memes, and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Also, be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor even implied. Any irrelevancies you can mention will also be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous :)

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