There aren’t many ways to say it, so I’ll put it the only way I know how – Adele is everything. By now we’ve all heard her timeless line, “Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead,” and if you’re anything like me, it finds you in probably one of the most compromising positions ever, something along the lines of being naked in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, clutching your phone in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other, wondering how your life starting resembling a Lifetime Movie. Well, maybe that’s just me, but regardless, her lyrics are incredibly practical in ways that almost make me feel like she’s my badass version of a fairy godmother, telling me to get the fuck over it already and go make millions on my own, particularly man-free. Not to mention at 22, practically my age :), she’s the most reasonable and insightful person I (like to pretend I) know.
I’ve written about this before, but so often in love, we convince ourselves to fight for a love that doesn’t exist anymore, or just for the sake of fighting because movies likeThe Notebook and every ABC Family dramedy says we should, because that’s just how love works—you’re nice to each other, then you fight and say horrible things and then make up and bottle it all in until the littlest thing sets you off and you fight again. Right, Nicolas Sparks? Right, Sarah Dessen? Right, Emily Giffin? (I could go on for days…)
You fight because every story of “great love” in the past has told you to do so. And why wouldn’t you want to have a “great love,” worthy of Jada Pinkett-Smith? We forget that some loves are better than others, some are worth fighting for and some are the kind you should’ve walked away from a long time ago. Sometimes it’s love and sometimes it’s just a pain in the ass and sometimes they steal your financial identity, but alas, another story for another time.
The way I see it is pretty cut and dry, as simple as it gets—if you ever have to question whether you should be with someone or not, chances are you shouldn’t be with them. Relationships are supposed to make you a better person but the version of you spent fighting, constantly in battle mode, struggling to come out on top, is probably not the best version of yourself. (I say probably because there are just some people who were born to fight, and that goes without saying that they were born to win, I say this because I used to fancy myself one of them…especially when it came to love.) And furthermore, how could you ever still be in love with the person you’ve taken it upon yourself to shatter, as she’s laying in pieces all over the ground, what’s left to love if you’ve taken all the good out, beaten it to a pulp and eaten it for breakfast? In the last throes of fighting for love, the words cut deeper, the art of subtlety is lost and the guise of love is completely ridiculous. “I piss you off because I love you” may work for some, but in the real world, that excuse rarely ever works, believe me, I’ve tried it.
Fighting for love has created an industry for itself, landing the feature role in movies, literature, music and so much more. It’s fueled the fights of couples who know they are aren’t right for each other, who want a taste of what it’s like to feel any little emotion that comes their way, because their relationship lacked even an once of the key ingredient emotion of love that they promised to one another. Your first mistake? Love is not a promise. It’s an emotion.
When all else fails, I play it like Weezy, and when “love is in the air, I put on a gas mask.”