Warning:

If you hurt me it doesn’t change how I feel about you, it just changes your position with me.

~Dimitri

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18 thoughts on “Warning:

  1. I feel the same about those who lie to me….to me a form of hurt AND disrespect.

    If your position in my life is one of trust and closeness, it assumes I’ve allowed you inside my world…a position given very few. If you then lie to me it means, to me, you don’t value the trust and closeness I’ve entrusted you with and you choose to throw it away. I may not remove you from my ‘world’ completely but your position in my life will not be the same, and will not involve the level of trust and closeness that previously existed.

    Lying is a choice one makes,,,,and typically involves a choice to hide and / or withhold. It’s a choice that doesn’t have to be. No problem is too big to be worked through when there is trust and honesty.

  2. @ Vic, I agree to a degree however being that we all have/do lie, including myself, I am careful to look at motives, content and circumstances around issue opposed to just the “act” of lying. Personally I do this b/c I try and be careful not to judge people harder than I would judge myself doing the same thing…

  3. I hear you, Dimitri, and I concur that each of us has told lies. I’m not speaking of superficial lies, just as I assume you are not referencing superficial hurt within your message above. I’m speaking of deep seeded understanding between two individuals involving circumstances of trust and clearly spoken issues. The type of lie that truly makes you question the position they hold in your life.

  4. @ Vic, eh…determining a “superficial lie” within its self is relative to the observer. As who lied may think it was superficial and the lied to may feel it was major. Again in my perspective it makes sense to get al of the information, exchange dialog and get understanding before any labels and conclusions are drawn.

  5. That’s understood within the exchange…same could be said of ‘hurt’, Dimitri. It’s all relative to both parties involved. My point is there are those occurrences that are understood points that you just don’t cross — both with hurt and lies — at least by those who maintain a semblance of integrity. When those points are crossed, you have to question the foundation for the bond.

  6. @ Vic, gotcha and completely understand. But again I question and analyze other factors before the actual bond. I do this because I understand that people do/say things not to bring question to the bond but because they are learning, growing, trying to understand or are simply naive. To correlate a bad action to a question of bond would, in my eyes, result in a very limited perspective. To me, all human fallacy falls under review before judgement no matter the action. Flexibility and understand ing are the keys.

  7. D — all of what you speak of and rationalize fall at the level of superficial hurt / lies, for me. I don’t judge people without understanding. I may initially, out of hurt, be ready to fight (so to speak), but I’ll always listen. Those closest to me, if they truly know me, know that, and but also know that if you opt to lie to me to such a level about those things I hold a sacred cows / lines in the sand, you choose to leave me returning to the outer level of trust.

  8. Depending on the level of hurt and the infraction, hurting me can very well change how I feel about you. There are a few things that I hold sacred and when you cross a certain line with those things, then there is no going back. There is no making things right. There is nothing to say or talk about. Hurting me can be detrimental to our relationship.

  9. @ Satch, it sounds like “hurt” to some degree is one demential/black or white with you – not saying that bad but trying to garner understanding…

  10. @ Dimitri, depending on the infraction then hurting me is very black and white. Like my son, if you mis step in any way when it comes to him, then it is over. There is no fixing that. Now, if you hurt my feelings because you neglect to keep a date or forget to call, then we can still talk, it just lets me know that the next time we make plans, not to hold my breath on them. I try to remember to treat people accordingly. I don’t give my x-husband the same level of respect and intimacy that we once shared because he is no longer deserving. The hardest part in all of this, is KNOWING that someone shouldn’t get forgiveness or a second chance, but your heart wanting to extend that forgiveness.

  11. @ Satchmania-

    I definitely understand how you would feel if someone crossed your son. I feel the exact way when it comes to my family, and definitely being the oldest, my siblings. However, I believe that forgiveness and second chances don’t go hand in hand at all. In my opinion, forgiving someone is crucial to freedom of the mind and spirit. I would say to forgive, knowing that the person may never again be in the same position with you. If your heart says to forgive, why not do so? It does not mean they get a second chance with you…

  12. @ Taj, For me, forgiveness is a doorway to a second chance. When I know that there is someone who does not deserve a second chance, I find it rather hard to forgive them. I can’t always listen to my heart, it is rather soft and pliable and people can take advantage of it rather often. I find that I need to keep people who have wronged me at arms length. Or my little heart will let them in over and over again to get hurt over and over again. I find that people often take my loyalty for granted, I am trying to remedy that situation as we speak.

  13. @Satchmania-

    In sincerity, good luck. Everyone deals with hurt and forgiveness in different ways. I only suggest forgiving so that your heart and mind can be free. But if you are unable to separate forgiveness from allowing others to take advantage of you, then it’s good that you recognize that and are working to “remedy” the situation immediately. You owe it to yourself to be happy, and holding a grudge takes a lot of precious energy. People make horrible decisions, but that does not always mean they are horrible people. It may just mean they don’t deserve to be within arms length of you, figuratively or literally, but that they can’t be forgiven.

  14. I wouldn’t say that I hold a grudge. I simply cut people off completely. Once you cross a certain line with me, then it is simply over. End of discussion. I tend to close the book and only look back when it is necessary.

    And very true, just because someone makes a horrible mistake, doesn’t mean they are a horrible person. Just like someone could be a great guy or girl, just not a great guy or girl for me.

  15. @Satchmania,

    In many ways I am similar. It doesn’t take me to be upset or hurt for me to cut someone off. If there is bad chemistry, if you are not contributing to my growth in some way, shape, or form, then I have been known to disappear or walk awat. My personal disappearance prevents me from having to one day forgive that person for contributing to the negativity in my life, because in the end, I am accountable for letting that person dictate and control my emotions and I REFUSE. I’ve been guilty of this before so I’ve decided that to be a part of my life I have to see potential growth from both ends. But a grudge is simply a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment toward someone for an insult or injury (Mac Dictionary:), and it takes so much energy! so I will say that holding a grudge definitely comes with territory. Nothing to be ashamed of, but definitely something that you can control, if you choose to chart such territories. I often times choose not to, which is why I “disappear” before allowing it to get to that point. We all have to protect our hearts, but in the end, we are responsible for what happens to it.

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data, ability to repeat discredited memes, and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Also, be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor even implied. Any irrelevancies you can mention will also be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous :)

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