More on Friendships

Friendships, are all important in life, but they should be cultivated like a flower. This applies specially to one’s life-partner.

In all cases friendship depends on the love one can give to the other. Differences in character and taste need to be bridged, a compromise reached in mutual respect.

On the other hand be careful in your choice of friends. You might easily become their victim, object of their projections, infected by their ideas. Many a so-called friendship is based on how one can profit from the other. The acquaintance may be merely used as a means of introduction to a social circle of influential people. Other friendships may be clung on to for warmth, to flee from one’s isolation, to find a willing ear, to borrow things/money, to lean on, etc. But if a friendship has no other basis it becomes shallow as it is, based on dependence and serves as a crutch. It should not be a one-way street, unless the relationship is consciously sustained for other reasons as an act of compassion.

Insight in human character makes for true friendships. It means that one should know how the other person functions so that disappointments may be avoided. Only if one is prepared to accept the other for what he/she is and show some form of appreciation will a lasting response grow. So often one projects an image of the ideal person on to the other, expecting responses not in line with his/her character.

Thus good friendships can be made if one has also something to offer, be willing to listen to the other instead of using his/her presence to vent opinions he/she is not interested in. Everybody capable of forgetting himself, if only for a brief moment, can be a good friend, mean something to the other. If there is a true rapport one may say things unknowingly which are important to the other.

True friendships are beyond time. One does not need to see each other often. The thread may be picked up instantaneously, even after many years.

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2 thoughts on “More on Friendships

  1. We’ve been down this path before as your article’s title alludes. Many of us have been burned in the past by choices and alignments we’ve made with what we perceived to be potential friendships. One of more of these choices backfired leaving us bruised and learning a lesson well learned.

    Perhaps this individual took advantage of us, wasn’t honest, and/or used us for collateral gain. Whatever the ‘loss’ we endured, we can’t allow it to have us retreating in to our own personal haven fearful of trusting again. What we can and must do is to use the experience to grow and learn the true measure of a lasting friend.

    Friendship denotes cooperative and supportive behavior between two people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends welcome each others company and exhibit loyalty towards one another, often to the point of altruism. Tastes are usually similar and may converge, allowing them to enjoy the same activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

    Let’s consider those qualities of a friend — perhaps a yardstick against current relationships or litmus test for new. A friend is someone —

    •who will support you no matter what.
    •you can trust and who won’t judge you.
    •who won’t put you down or deliberately hurt your feelings, but will show kindness and respect.
    •who will love you not because they feel they have to because you’re their friend, but because they choose to.
    •whose company you enjoy and whose loyalty you can depend upon.
    •who will be there no matter what your situation is.
    •who is trustworthy and not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how hard it is sometimes.
    •who can laugh when you laugh.
    •who will stick around when things get rough.
    •who makes you smile.
    •who can accept you for who you are, and just lend you an ear when you need to whine or complain.
    •who will cry when you cry.
    •who will give you room to change.

    It makes sense, a friend is someone who will never place you in harms way and will never ask you or expect you to do someone that will put you in a situation of harm (I use this term broadly). A friend can be by your side daily or only occasionally but you will always pick up from where you left off and never miss a beat.

    We’re happier as individuals when we have friends, confidants in which we turn in time of need, in time of celebration and in searching for love. Our life partner is a gift yielded from truly lasting, honest and deep friendship, having the the ability to balance one another…a treasure in our life. It’s a risk worth taking and a true gift when found.

  2. In futherance of that point, John Donne once said:

    “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind…”

    In short, we NEED good friends around us as we are them and they are us.

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data, ability to repeat discredited memes, and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Also, be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor even implied. Any irrelevancies you can mention will also be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous :)

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