Adoption?

Adoption is an ancient custom of taking on another’s child as your own but has become increasingly popular for a variety of reasons – some people are unable to have children of their own and so decide to adopt a child instead, others want to give a child in need a better life, while still others have children of their own but want to extend their family and choose to do so through adoption. In this article we will not only look at whether you should adopt but also how to go about adopting.

There are a number of reasons why people decide to adopt a child but child adoption is not for everyone and it is important to ask yourself some questions before you decide whether adopting a child is for you. Firstly, are you emotionally, physically and financially capable of taking care of a child? Are you able to copy with any issues which they child may have – such as issues over being adopted and not being with their birth family (feelings of rejection by the birth family, etc.)? If you have other children are they ready to accept a new sibling through the process of adoption?

In addition, if you are an older adoptive parent or have any health issues which affect your daily life then you may want to discuss the possibility of adoption to find out whether you would be able to cope with your health problems as well as a child.

Adopting a child, however, can be a wonderful experience for people who are able to answer the above questions honestly and still feel that they would really like and be able to cope with another child. You are now able to love another child (perhaps your first) and are able to provide that child with a better future. So how do you go about it, if you have decided to adopt a child?

I personally am open to adoption but I would like to have “my own” first.  in respect to adoption I feel bad that I basically have to “buy” a child.  I would much rather adopt a child from a parent in less traditional settings – I want to get the REALNESS out of the situation, not be on some legal pedestal insulating myself from the true realities that have arrived upon my desicionary doorstep.

All in all, its A LOT to think about…

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7 thoughts on “Adoption?

  1. Adoption is a big step — for so many reasons — and one that should be well thought before taking the step. A child’s life and stability are at stake. This is a lifetime decision that impacts multiple people — the adopting family, the child and, in many cases, the biological and/or extended family of the child (who still want or try to remain involved). Not all adoptions are of babies, there are so many older children that need a family to love and nurture them. In many instances, situations involve children who are the victims of poor adult (or teens wanting to do adult things) decisions — pregnancy when drugs and/or mental health issues are involved, young mothers involved in high risks and/or unstable relationships, even young fathers who step up to do the right thing but are unable to care for a child. In each instance, the child is most impacted,and it takes time for transition to build trust, balance and positive structure from which the child grows and flourishes. Particularly with older children who may remember some of the crises from the biological family, stability, structure and patience are critical. It may not be easy, but can be well worth the investment. I say all of this not to deter adoption, rather to ensure adopting families,or individuals, truly think through the process long term. Critical to the child’s positive development, is understanding of what is involved, willingness to buy in to the good and not so good times, and build a foundation to support. I have several friends who have adopted — a couple started from fostering arrangements and grew to adoption. It was challenging, at times, but not one that should be reversed…a child is not a toy that you manipulate or discard if the ‘model’ doesn’t suit your needs / wants. Its a real commitment, a life time commitment and involves human lives. Take it slow, take it seriously and make it work if you opt in.

  2. Ironically one of my biggest fears of adoption whether from a relationship I may be in from just a “random” child in the system, is that possible rejection, “you ain’t my father”.

    I am not one to further “what if’s”, but I am fearful. It appears mommies have an inherent bond with their children by virtue of the physical birth. Me “daddy” coming in the picture later (5-13 years old) have to garner the child’s trust, respect and love (harder and harder the older they are). Children are SO much more intuitive than we give them credit for. If they were to reject me what could I say or do?…nothing more than be compassionate to their position and I guess take it like a man…

    More the reason I want my “own” 3-4 children so that I can nurture, grow, endorse, and bask in that early bond much needed for father and child. Then perhaps, I will be open to adoption as I’ll have a better grasp on how this things works.

    Now I ponder, who will be my contributor? ?

  3. Couldn’t agree more! Children are intuitive and can read you better than any adult. Even your own biological child may harbor feelings, from time to time, that you may not support and will question (as they grow and learn) why you do what you do, decisions you make and principals on which you stand. What is critical to raising a child, is honesty, compassion, love, consistency and true commitment. If those qualities are not real and evident, a child will see through that. They want to know you are real, that you care and that consistency will carry.

    While being facetious, if you merely seek a ‘contributor’, I am pretty sure there are many who will step up to oblige. Being that avenue is one you ‘blog’ about, I am guessing it doesn’t suit your want or plan, nor would it garner you the path you would hope for your children, or sanity in your own life.

    Seeking a partner (I use this term as a partner in parenting the lives you bring in to this world) who will balance what you offer a child, can step up when your strength is not at maximum potential or bag of tricks simply is exhausted, then your search will require thought, honesty, and commitment…not unlike those qualities needed of a parent to a child. Sure I am being facetious, pushing thought in that selecting someone with whom to choose to create a life, bring a child in to this world, knowing it is a lifetime commitment and hard work, deserves careful thought — an adult relationship may not last, but a partnership must maintain for the children. Make sure the person you select as contributor is willing to commit all that it will take to give your children the life, the path, the opportunity they deserve to be successful, and maximize their potential.

  4. Ah, well therein lies the query. Not only do I have to meet one that can “satisfy my requirements, but she ALSO has to be a “good” mother or have mommy potential…

    Let the search begin…

    Better yet, let me focus on “me” for a bit THEN the search can commence. I still have a Lotus to buy!

  5. Exactly the right attitude! Parenting shouldn’t be a reactive commitment or demand. Do what you need and want to do — you’ll know when you are ready!

  6. Really? Sometimes I feel like nesting and other times, I am like I need to get my cars first.

    How do you truly know? Perhaps I am trying to pinpoint logical indicators that don’t truly exist.

  7. What you won’t get is a letter in your mailbox or email in your inbox telling you that you’re ready…lol. What will happen is that the desire / commitment / want / need to be a parent will move to the forefront and remain there more so than other wants. There will be an imminent drive that you’ll feel tugging at you more and more frequently. The urge won’t go away once it has arrived on your doorstep, so you’ll always have to weigh its presence / yearning against the other wants you have. When it becomes the ‘lead’, you’ll feel it and be ready to have that drive all that you do and plan for. Let it happen naturally. It will feel right.

Please use the comments to demonstrate your own ignorance, unfamiliarity with empirical data, ability to repeat discredited memes, and lack of respect for scientific knowledge. Also, be sure to create straw men and argue against things I have neither said nor even implied. Any irrelevancies you can mention will also be appreciated. Lastly, kindly forgo all civility in your discourse . . . you are, after all, anonymous :)

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