Well “they” say that crying is supposed to make you feel better however, I find it truly ironic that you generally have to feel very bad to cry to then feel better.Â Why does it takes extremes for us to either relief one’s self or emotionally unload/relax?
The fact of the matter is I don’t know how to cry. I don’t ever feel safe enough to cry AND crying is an admission that “it” hurts. It’s kinda like not getting stitches for that cut because you don’t think it’s that bad when in fact it really does need stitches. Perhaps I plague myself by playing a reckless game of; kind of, but not really
When I am in the fighting cage and someone is able to penetrate my defense and strike me, I simply ignore that it even took place, I ignore the pain and only acknowledge the event enough to prompt my body to respond accordingly. I guess I thought I could do this on the emotional level but I am having difficulty. Unfavorable things happen, and I try to just absorb them in stride, ignoring the initial principle but dealing with the effects. The issue is that it really, really flippin hurts but again I cannot cry. If crying is the release, and I cannot cry then what is my release?
Thought: Maybe this is one of the many reasons for my temper.
Like I said, for me to cry, I have to feel safe, let my guard down, relax, and let your my come closer to the surface -WHEW – that seems almost impossible. Especially when I was always taught and shown to keep you soul safe from everyone even their eyes.
You would think that if I knew that crying makes you feel better that I would try it and work at crying o I could feel better all of the time in respect to the unfavorable happenings. These happenings are more irritations, a chronic itch of seemingly pointless events one after the other with no rhyme or reason for their occurrence.
If only I just understand the reason for their happening I could deal with them better. I mean the first few events it was; ok, these are the effects from the not so good decisions I made, then after some more bad events, I was like; ok, I probably deserve this from some things I may have done wrong in my past – after all everything I did has to balance out and be paid for at some pointâ€?, then some MORE things happen and I’m like; well it could be worse! (very hard to stay in the “it could be worse” mind set), but THEN even MORE things happen and now I am like frustrated, and like WTF!? – can I just get a break – gosh!
Man I wish I could just cry to feel better…